Sexual Abuse - The Girl Child

During the last years one has come across a number of cases of sexual abuse and rape of female child with the victim’s age ranging from 3 to 13 years. Every time a case is heard or reported in the newspaper, the issue gets media attention for a week or so and then the case gets forgotten. Many a time the person goes free or is given out a penalty and simple punishment of 3-4 years of imprisonment. These incidents appear in the media almost every day.

The crimes against these innocent kids who become the targets of diseased individuals are the most deplorable. It usually kills the child or if alive leaves the girl to exist with this mental trauma through out her life. The anguish and helplessness felt by the parents who hold themselves responsible to protect the child cannot be described.
When sexual abuse has occurred, a child can develop a variety of distressing feelings, thoughts and behaviors. Sexually abused children end up becoming child abusers or prostitutes, or have other serious problems when they reach adulthood. Therefore this problem needs to be dealt with firmly taking into account all these perspectives.

Child sexual abuse has been reported up to several times a year, but the number of unreported instances is far greater, because the children are afraid to tell anyone what has happened. The problem should be identified, the abuse stopped, and the child should receive professional help. The long-term emotional and psychological damage of sexual abuse can be devastating to the child.

The girl-child is discriminated against from the earliest stages of life, through her childhood and into adulthood. In some areas of the world, men outnumber women. The reasons for this discrepancy include harmful attitudes and practices, such as female genital mutilation, son preference, early marriage, violence against women, sexual exploitation, sexual abuse, human trafficking, discrimination against girls in food allocation and other practices related to health and well-being. As a result, fewer girls than boys survive into adulthood.

Girls are often treated as inferior to boys, both within the home and by society. They are often referred to as the weak sex which undermines their self-esteem and their ability to reach their full potentials. The number of high rates of school-drop-outs in female child is high. Because of this they are often careless and sometimes irresponsible. However poverty as also contributed much in it forcing most girls at a very tender age to resort to petty crimes and commercial sex for survival. The girl-child abuse has for long gained the attention of various levels of government in the country. But efforts made by these governments have yielded little or no result.

Most parents are unable to carry out their responsibilities to their children. Especially those who are heavy drinkers often neglect their children which in turn make the child feel unwanted and lonely. Child neglect could also be as a result of lack of parenting skills due to early marriage, inability to plan, low self-esteem, social isolation and excessive consumption of alcohol.

An abuser may use a different tactics to gain access to a child, exert power and control over her, and prevent her from telling anyone. A girl who is being abused is sometimes in a position of dependence on the person who is abusing her. It may happen once or it may occur in a repeated and escalating pattern over a period of months or years or it may change form over time. An abused child may endure for a long time before telling any one what is happening.

The unequal burden of being female begins at birth and continues throughout childhood.

There are many reasons why abuse may remain hidden. An abuser may manipulate, bribe, coerce or threaten a child (or someone they love) to prevent them from telling anyone about the abuse. Depending on their age and stage of development the child may feel ashamed and want to keep the abuse secret to avoid being stigmatized or have their sexual identity questioned.

Individuals who witness or suspect that a child is being abused may not report it because they want to avoid the demands of becoming “involved”

A Noble Laureate once said we are guilty of many errors and many faults, but our worst crime is abandoning our children, neglecting the fountain of life. Many of the things we need can wait. The child cannot. Right now is the time when his/her bones are being formed; his/her blood is being made… To him/her we cannot answer “Tomorrow.” His/her name is “Today”.

Be There!

The loving thing we can do when someone is in pain is to share the pain - to “be there,” even when we’ve nothing to offer except our presence, even when being there is painful to ourselves. .

Paul says that God “comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.”

One of the fastest and surest routes to spiritual health is taking the focus off ourselves and helping others. In fact we were born with a natural empathy for those who are hurting. Ever notice that babies in a nursery start crying when other infants cry?

Compassion, which literally means “to suffer with,” is the ability to be moved by the troubles of others. When we reach out from our own pain to help others it comes back to us in healing, fulfillment and a sense of worth. Jack Canfield says, “You take it all in. You let the pain touch your heart and you turn it into compassion. What a splendid way to go through life, bringing blessing to all we touch.” One cancer patient said, “What helps me most is just to have somebody try and understand what I’m feeling.” Another said, “Just sit here and let me hold your hand. It helps when someone’s close.”

Today ask God to make you more sensitive to the needs and hurts of those around you. And when He answers your prayer and puts someone into your path, don’t be too busy to care. In other words, “be there!”

Facts On HIV/AIDS Crisis And Child Labour

The HIV/AIDS pandemic adds a new and tragic dimension to the problem of child labour in many countries around the world. Millions of children have been orphaned by the death of one or both parents from HIV/AIDS. Millions more will be.

Many of these orphans find security in the households of relatives. Others, however, drop out of school and look for work to survive. An especially harsh burden is placed on girls, who often have to provide care and household services for the entire family when a parent becomes ill or dies. Even children cared for by grandparents or other relatives may have to work to help provide income for guardians and siblings.

High mortality among adults in their reproductive and productive prime (15-49 years) and the number of children growing up without a responsible guardian have complex inter-generational impacts on the world of work. With a lack of adult mentors and limited prospects for schooling, children miss out on the developmental skills and technical know-how needed to access decent work in their adult lives.

The impact of HIV/AIDS on communities and families undermines the process of socialization of children in its broadest sense, inverting care-giving roles and giving rise to social exclusion and loss of identity.

HOW THE HIV/AIDS CRISIS LINKS TO CHILD LABOUR
The HIV/AIDS crisis has a number of links to child
labour, for example it:
•Adds to the number of vulnerable children,
especially orphans and HIV-infected children;

•Increases demands on public and private
services, such as health care;

•Increases the burden on community groups and
institutions assisting both caregivers and
vulnerable children;

•Places an especially harsh burden on girls, who
often must provide care and household services
for the entire family;

•Puts pressure on children to work to assist their
parents, guardians and siblings in securing a
livelihood.

In addition, child labourers are more at risk of becoming infected by HIV/AIDS because they are often working in situations where they are vulnerable to sexual abuse.
This is particularly the case of children engaged in the worst forms of child labour, such as prostitution, street vending, and domestic work. Given their high proportion in prostitution, girls are especially at risk of becoming infected and further spreading the disease.

Key factors that increase a child’s Vulnerability to trafficking

Poverty and the need to earn a living or to support the family

The desire for a better life

Ignorance or lack of understanding of the children, parents or other caregivers of the negative

Consequences that may be associated with children leaving their homes to work

Lack of schools or means to pay for education

Lack of appreciation on the part of parents or children on the value of education

Family violence or other dysfunction

Political conflict or natural disasters that devastate local economies

Imagine Paying 25,000 Naira All In The Name Of……

Its funny that people no longer think before they spend.
Sometimes I think its because they have too much of it and sometimes I think they just want to flaunt it to the whole world and show they have it and they can do what they wish when ever they want to not waiting to think if there was something much better they could do with that same money they have decieded to waste.

Ok, let me get everyone out of the dark now.
Foreign artists like Jay Z, Missy Elliot, Ciara, Beyonce, Snoop Dog, Busta Rhymes, Mary J Blige and En Vogue including some Nigerian artists are coming to perform and the gate fee is a whooping sum of 25,000 Naira for a day show and 30,000 Naira for 2 days show and 100,000 for VIP seats.

This left me thinking, if all these people that purchased tickets for this show were asked to use half of that amount used to purchase tickets to feed a hungry child on the streets or put that money in the Church as an offering or tithe they will blindly say no yet they can spend that much to watch some humans sing to their pleasure even if they dont get satisfied.

You can read comments posted by Nigerians and non - Nigerians on this issue HERE

What is the world turning into?

Rather than feed a hungry child, donate to charity or less priviledged or putting offering in the church or paying tithe, someone would prefer paying such an amount for mere hours of pleasure that will profit him nothing.

Though I know people have a right to do what they wish to do with their hard earned money but I think sometimes they need to have a re-think on how its being spent.

Thats my 2-cents.

The Recent Ban Of Motorcyclists In Abuja

Its no longer news in Nigeria that Motorcyclists in Abuja popularly known as Okada men has been banned and the FCT Minister Malaam Nasir El-rufai has provided some buses to replace these okada men.

Recently there has been some protests and people are not certain if these okada men are going to be brought back into the city.

Though they have been a niusance, they have also helped the poor or should I say the less privileged. They have even helped the rich.
There are some areas that ordinary cars and buses cannot penetrate in Abuja, and its these okada men that take people in no matter how far it is, the ban has made me wonder how some people will cope in such situation, it has made me wonder how those who have no money to buy buses or taxi to use as a source of living are going to cope.

If only an alternative will be provided for these men, then we will have no reason to complain……

From This Moment…………….Little Sophia

I was wandering about on the blog of a friend which I have never commented on and I came across a post on an 8 year old girl that was RAPED and MUDERED

Sophia an 8 year old girl was out with her family (her brother, sister and Uncle), along the line she was pressed and wanted to use the toilet and she excused herself to make use of a toilet just a few metres away from where her family was waiting for her.

After a few minutes, Sophia didn’t come back and the family constantly became worried and went in search of her and her brother found her naked and dead on the floor of the toilet with some broken bones. Little Sophia was RAPED by a 21 year old man who had no remorse for a little underaged child.

“We are all devastated by the sudden and senseless loss of Sofia,” her family said in a statement. “Please keep Sofia and our family in your thoughts and prayers.” that was the statement made by the family of the little girl.

Right now my spirit is down, I feel so sad to read this sad story and I was touched to share it with you all.

Imagine a human being raping an 8 year old with no conscience in his heart, its sad.
Little Sophia could have been anyone to us, she could have been your little sister, your classmate, your next door neighbour and she could have even been your daughter.

We should all pray for her, her family in this time of sorrow and we should pray that God forgives the man that raped and murdered this little innocent soul.

May your soul rest in peace Sophia.
We love you all

Current Music Playing
Goodbye’s the saddest word

Adolescence

A Human being has two phases in life: The phase of Childhood and that of Adulthood. The transitional period during which a person transforms from childhood to adulthood is referred to as Adolescence.

The phase of Childhood is that of dependency on the Adults as a person undergoes both mental and physical growth. This growth has to continue on both the spheres until a person has reached such a stage that he can live an independent life.

Adulthood is that phase of human life during which a person takes charge of his affairs as he has developed all the necessary abilities, most importantly mental ability, to live an independent and responsible life. An adult is held accountable for all his activities.

At Adolescence, the neural integrations have reached such a critical stage that a person, for the first time in life, is able to watch himself as he engages in conscious activities. A child, though conscious, is not capable of watching and assessing his activities.

It is this new ability of an Adolescent to watch the ‘self’ that creates the quest to know the self.

An Adolescent, instead of just trying to cope with life, as it had been in childhood, wants to have a say in his living. He wants to know why he does what he does and wants to know the purpose of his living. Indeed, it is a period of revolution or rebirth.

While the majority simply regress into Childhood, the brave and wise ones cease the bull by the horn; avail themselves of the holy opportunity; and open the door into the world of reality.

The prophets were sent to discourage laziness and to encourage the cultivation of the Mind.

The inability of a person during the phase of childhood to stand against his desire makes it difficult for him to see the two sides of life. We say that there is simplicity of mind. Because of this simplicity, beliefs are formed hastily and are therefore not free from errors.

When at Adolescence a person begins to see himself and becomes curious about his world, he is caught in confusion because of the multitude of questions that confront him. He was not bordered by the questions while he was a child. The once seemingly simple life has become challenging.

This is what Jones wrote about an Adolescent lady in his book - Every Woman:
With the hormonal tides which ebb and flow before and after the menarche, with increasing knowledge and with increasing information (and misinformation) from her peer group, the adolescent has to adjust to a new identity - that of a young woman.

She has to emerge from the family oriented dependent tranquillity of childhood and enter the frustrations, competitiveness and trauma of adult life.

…she begins to become much closer to the teenagers than to her family. From them she learns of different attitudes to morality and to sexuality.

She now has to resolve a conflict. She has to decide which set of values she should adopt, or more accurately, how many of her parents’ values she will reject.

And at this time she begins to feel the force of new, ill-understood heterosexual attractions. These are outward expression of inward conflicts, of frustrations, of doubts, even of despair.

…The adolescent resents adults’ criticism, particularly when she is told to behave one way by parents who are quite clearly behaving in an entirely different way.

Adults complain about the irresponsibility of teenagers, about their lack of respect, about their morals and about their promiscuity. Yet it is difficult to ask teenagers to develop responsibility when adults seem to be rejecting it, and when society seems to be fragmenting. It is particularly difficult to ask young people to maintain sexual responsibility, when the mass media constantly emphasise that all wants can be instantly gratified.

The adolescent needs understanding and love. And she needs to be able to talk to someone close to her, not to have to talk to her parents as strangers.

If parents are unable to answer her questions regarding social, moral and sexual attitudes, they have failed as parents, and should not blame their child if she appears to have failed them.

In adolescence, the need for privacy, for intimacy and for erotic expression should be recognised by the child’s parents; and parents should try to stress that there are satisfying, non-exploiting ways of meeting their needs. They should accept that much information (and misinformation) comes from other children in the child’s group.” Every woman pp49-50.

Given that majority of us do not think, most of us never found satisfactory way to resolve this conflict. We remain the Ignorant Masses with our Simple minds. To feel up the vacuum, we take to superstitions or we continue to live our Traditional life. Meanwhile, the mind remains worried.

It is in view of this situation that Prophets (God’s blessings be with them) were sent to come and take us from this Darkness into the Reality of Life.